Joke of the Day Archive

October 3, 2026 If you have a bee in your hand, what do you have in your eye? Beauty, because beauty is in... October 2, 2026 "You wouldn't like me when I'm angry... Because I always back up my rage with facts and we... October 1, 2026 I always look for a woman who has a tattoo. Because then I would know she is capable of ma... September 30, 2026 What do you call a hippies' wife? Mississippi September 29, 2026 A wise man once said “it’s better to say nothing at all”. An even wiser man didn’t say tha... September 28, 2026 They say don’t go grocery shopping while you’re hungry. But it’s been a week and I just ke... September 27, 2026 Where does a spy sleep? Under covers. September 26, 2026 I own the chewed pencil that Shakespeare used to write his famous works. He used to chew o... September 25, 2026 My wife has kicked me out of the house because of my bad Arnold Scharzenegger impressions.... September 24, 2026 Why did the Star Wars movies come out in the order 4 5 6 1 2 3? In charge of the sequence,... September 23, 2026 My son came home as I was taking his door off it’s hinges and asked “Dad what are you doin... September 22, 2026 What happens to cows that get too much sun? They turn into evaporated milk. September 21, 2026 How did the doctor cure the invisible man? He took him to the ICU September 20, 2026 My wife told me I was immature and needed to grow up. Guess who's not allowed in my tree h... September 19, 2026 What has more letters than the alphabet? The post office. September 18, 2026 I was sitting drinking coffee in my slippers this morning, when I thought to myself... I r... September 17, 2026 How can you tell a chemist from a plumber without seeing them? Ask them to pronounce "unio... September 16, 2026 I put a black hole in my living room. It's great. Really pulls the room together. September 15, 2026 If you watch an Apple store get robbed, Does that make you an iWitness? September 14, 2026 My friends keep telling me to stop impersonating butter. But I can't. I'm on a roll now September 13, 2026 My last girlfriend left me for being unnecessarily mysterious or did she? September 12, 2026 Braille isn't that hard to learn... You just have to get a feel for it September 11, 2026 Why do programmers prefer dark mode? Cause light attracts bugs. September 10, 2026 People often accuse me of “stealing other’s jokes” and being “a plagiarist.” Their words,... September 9, 2026 Why did the chicken join a band? Because it had the drumsticks. September 8, 2026 Why did Karen press Ctrl+Alt+Delete? She wanted to see the task manager. September 7, 2026 Most people are shocked when they find out... ...how incompetent I am as an electrician. September 6, 2026 A penguin walks into an airport... A TSA officer stops him and says "Penguins can't fly." September 5, 2026 What rhymes with Orange. No it doesn’t September 4, 2026 My girlfriend just dumped me for talking too much about video games. What a ridiculous thi... September 3, 2026 When do S and C sound the same? When it's necessary. September 2, 2026 I just got kicked out of karaoke night for singing "Danger Zone" six times in a row… They... September 1, 2026 Today i have met the vegetarian brother of Bruce Lee. Brocco Lee August 31, 2026 My dog used to chase people on a bike a lot. It got so bad I had to take his bike away. August 30, 2026 What's it called when a King and Queen have no children? A receding heir line... August 29, 2026 99 bugs in the code, 99 bugs in the code! Take one down, patch it around. 127 bugs in the... August 28, 2026 My mate David was a victim of ID theft. Now we just call him Dav August 27, 2026 How do you turn a three-dimensional printer into a four-dimensional printer? Just give it... August 26, 2026 Electrician gets home late... Electrician didn't get home until after 2am. His wife asked... August 25, 2026 I got a job at a bakery because I kneaded dough. August 24, 2026 If I won 298 million, I'd give a quarter of it to charity. ...I'm not sure what I'd do wit... August 23, 2026 Astronaut 1: "I can't find any milk for my coffee". Astronaut 2: "In space no-one can. Her... August 22, 2026 I took a video of my shoe yesterday. It was some pretty good footage August 21, 2026 What is great in the US but awful in the UK? Losing pounds August 20, 2026 How many introverts does it take to change a lightbulb? Why does it have to be a group act... August 19, 2026 If you have a bee in your hand, what do you have in your eye? Beauty, because beauty is in... August 18, 2026 My boss told me to have a good day. So I went home. August 17, 2026 When I lost my rifle, the Army charged me $85. That’s why in the Navy, the captain goes do... August 16, 2026 I got into a fight with 1, 3, 5, 7 and 9. The odds were against me. August 15, 2026 I got so fed up with the trick-or-treaters last Halloween that I turned off the lights and... August 14, 2026 "What makes you qualified to be a waiter". I feel like I bring a lot to the table August 13, 2026 New Teslas don't come with a new car smell. They come with an Elon Musk. August 12, 2026 My girlfriend threw a bottle of Omega 3 capsules at me. It's OK though, I only have super... August 11, 2026 My missus was furious at me for kicking dropped ice-cubes under the refrigerator. But now... August 10, 2026 I was browsing in a liquor store when an employee asked me “Do you need help?” I said, “Ye... August 9, 2026 How come nobody at the kings table laughed when he farted? Because noble gases don't cause... August 8, 2026 A man using Apple maps walks into a bar. Or a pharmacy, or maybe a shoe store. August 7, 2026 Why was E the only letter in the alphabet to get Christmas presents? Because the rest of t... August 6, 2026 I got drunk and drew up a graph showing all of the relationships I've ever had. It had an... August 5, 2026 Want to hear a construction joke? I'm still working on it.