Joke of the Day Archive

November 14, 2026 I'm not passive aggressive. Unlike some people. November 13, 2026 When my grandfather turned 65 he started walking 5 miles a day.. He's 90 now and we have n... November 12, 2026 What is a zombie’s favorite drink? humani-tea November 11, 2026 "Mom, don't get alarmed, but I'm at the hospital." "Son, please. You've been a surgeon the... November 10, 2026 My girlfriend wishes I had the body of Thor, but I already do... She just hasn't seen Endg... November 9, 2026 At the end of the physics lecture, I asked my professor, “Can you tell me what happened be... November 8, 2026 Why did Aladdin get banned from the race? Because of his performance enhancing rugs November 7, 2026 If New York is the city that never sleeps, what is the city that never wakes up? Ta-coma November 6, 2026 I really wish some of the fantasies in 50 shades of grey were real... like how she got a j... November 5, 2026 A joke walks into a bar... Bartender says woah! I've never meta joke before November 4, 2026 I told my niece that I saw a moose on the way to work this morning. She said, “How do you... November 3, 2026 My cat won't go to the bathroom unless she has new books to read. She needs fresh kitty li... November 2, 2026 Why are pediatricians so ill-tempered? Because they have little patients! November 1, 2026 Scientists got bored after watching the Earth turn for 24 hours. So they called it a day. October 31, 2026 How do you organize a space party? You planet. October 30, 2026 Thought I won an argument with my wife about how to rearrange our furniture..... But when... October 29, 2026 Broken pencils are pointless. October 28, 2026 A penguin walks into an airport... A TSA officer stops him and says "Penguins can't fly." October 27, 2026 I saw a guy today with soot all over his face carrying a large pick axe and wearing a roya... October 26, 2026 “Yoda, are you sure we are going in the right direction?” Yoda: Off course we are. October 25, 2026 I own the chewed pencil that Shakespeare used to write his famous works. He used to chew o... October 24, 2026 Student: Are well and actually both one syllable words. Teacher: Well yes , but actually n... October 23, 2026 I farted in an Apple store today and everyone yelled at me. It's not my fault they don't h... October 22, 2026 Two guys walked into a bar. The third one ducked. October 21, 2026 My mom laughed at me when I said I was going to build a car out of spaghetti. You should h... October 20, 2026 My son came home as I was taking his door off it’s hinges and asked “Dad what are you doin... October 19, 2026 A friend asked me if I knew anything about 1’s and 0’s. I told him I knew a bit October 18, 2026 I have 3 eyes, 6 heads and 15 limbs, what am I? A liar. October 17, 2026 I just got fired for something that I didn't do... my job. October 16, 2026 This girl said she would go out with me if I knew a six letter word that's a synonym for "... October 15, 2026 I asked a chef if he ever served a steak raw.. He said yeah but it’s rare. October 14, 2026 Have you ever played quiet tennis? It's just like regular tennis but without the racket. October 13, 2026 I'm kinda scrawny, so I had to quit my job as a personal trainer. Yeah, I gave 'em my too... October 12, 2026 Why do Swedish warships have barcodes on them? So when they dock they can Scandinavian. October 11, 2026 "When one door closes another door opens" he said. "That's all well and good", I replied,... October 10, 2026 Not bragging, but I made six figures last year, so they named me the year's worst employee... October 9, 2026 Why do you never wear two monocles at the same time? Because you'd make a spectacle of you... October 8, 2026 I don't understand why people spoil movies... What's their endgame? October 7, 2026 I'll never use that dictionary again... The definition it gave for "obfuscate" was confusi... October 6, 2026 English can be weird. It can be understood through tough thorough thought though. October 5, 2026 Which country has the fastest growing capitol? Ireland. It's Dublin every year. October 4, 2026 Sergeant: “Smith! I didn’t see you at camouflage practice today!” Private Smith: “Thank yo... October 3, 2026 If you have a bee in your hand, what do you have in your eye? Beauty, because beauty is in... October 2, 2026 "You wouldn't like me when I'm angry... Because I always back up my rage with facts and we... October 1, 2026 I always look for a woman who has a tattoo. Because then I would know she is capable of ma... September 30, 2026 What do you call a hippies' wife? Mississippi September 29, 2026 A wise man once said “it’s better to say nothing at all”. An even wiser man didn’t say tha... September 28, 2026 They say don’t go grocery shopping while you’re hungry. But it’s been a week and I just ke... September 27, 2026 Where does a spy sleep? Under covers. September 26, 2026 I own the chewed pencil that Shakespeare used to write his famous works. He used to chew o... September 25, 2026 My wife has kicked me out of the house because of my bad Arnold Scharzenegger impressions.... September 24, 2026 Why did the Star Wars movies come out in the order 4 5 6 1 2 3? In charge of the sequence,... September 23, 2026 My son came home as I was taking his door off it’s hinges and asked “Dad what are you doin... September 22, 2026 What happens to cows that get too much sun? They turn into evaporated milk. September 21, 2026 How did the doctor cure the invisible man? He took him to the ICU September 20, 2026 My wife told me I was immature and needed to grow up. Guess who's not allowed in my tree h... September 19, 2026 What has more letters than the alphabet? The post office. September 18, 2026 I was sitting drinking coffee in my slippers this morning, when I thought to myself... I r... September 17, 2026 How can you tell a chemist from a plumber without seeing them? Ask them to pronounce "unio... September 16, 2026 I put a black hole in my living room. It's great. Really pulls the room together.