Joke of the Day Archive

September 13, 2026 My last girlfriend left me for being unnecessarily mysterious or did she? September 12, 2026 Braille isn't that hard to learn... You just have to get a feel for it September 11, 2026 Why do programmers prefer dark mode? Cause light attracts bugs. September 10, 2026 People often accuse me of “stealing other’s jokes” and being “a plagiarist.” Their words,... September 9, 2026 Why did the chicken join a band? Because it had the drumsticks. September 8, 2026 Why did Karen press Ctrl+Alt+Delete? She wanted to see the task manager. September 7, 2026 Most people are shocked when they find out... ...how incompetent I am as an electrician. September 6, 2026 A penguin walks into an airport... A TSA officer stops him and says "Penguins can't fly." September 5, 2026 What rhymes with Orange. No it doesn’t September 4, 2026 My girlfriend just dumped me for talking too much about video games. What a ridiculous thi... September 3, 2026 When do S and C sound the same? When it's necessary. September 2, 2026 I just got kicked out of karaoke night for singing "Danger Zone" six times in a row… They... September 1, 2026 Today i have met the vegetarian brother of Bruce Lee. Brocco Lee August 31, 2026 My dog used to chase people on a bike a lot. It got so bad I had to take his bike away. August 30, 2026 What's it called when a King and Queen have no children? A receding heir line... August 29, 2026 99 bugs in the code, 99 bugs in the code! Take one down, patch it around. 127 bugs in the... August 28, 2026 My mate David was a victim of ID theft. Now we just call him Dav August 27, 2026 How do you turn a three-dimensional printer into a four-dimensional printer? Just give it... August 26, 2026 Electrician gets home late... Electrician didn't get home until after 2am. His wife asked... August 25, 2026 I got a job at a bakery because I kneaded dough. August 24, 2026 If I won 298 million, I'd give a quarter of it to charity. ...I'm not sure what I'd do wit... August 23, 2026 Astronaut 1: "I can't find any milk for my coffee". Astronaut 2: "In space no-one can. Her... August 22, 2026 I took a video of my shoe yesterday. It was some pretty good footage August 21, 2026 What is great in the US but awful in the UK? Losing pounds August 20, 2026 How many introverts does it take to change a lightbulb? Why does it have to be a group act... August 19, 2026 If you have a bee in your hand, what do you have in your eye? Beauty, because beauty is in... August 18, 2026 My boss told me to have a good day. So I went home. August 17, 2026 When I lost my rifle, the Army charged me $85. That’s why in the Navy, the captain goes do... August 16, 2026 I got into a fight with 1, 3, 5, 7 and 9. The odds were against me. August 15, 2026 I got so fed up with the trick-or-treaters last Halloween that I turned off the lights and... August 14, 2026 "What makes you qualified to be a waiter". I feel like I bring a lot to the table August 13, 2026 New Teslas don't come with a new car smell. They come with an Elon Musk. August 12, 2026 My girlfriend threw a bottle of Omega 3 capsules at me. It's OK though, I only have super... August 11, 2026 My missus was furious at me for kicking dropped ice-cubes under the refrigerator. But now... August 10, 2026 I was browsing in a liquor store when an employee asked me “Do you need help?” I said, “Ye... August 9, 2026 How come nobody at the kings table laughed when he farted? Because noble gases don't cause... August 8, 2026 A man using Apple maps walks into a bar. Or a pharmacy, or maybe a shoe store. August 7, 2026 Why was E the only letter in the alphabet to get Christmas presents? Because the rest of t... August 6, 2026 I got drunk and drew up a graph showing all of the relationships I've ever had. It had an... August 5, 2026 Want to hear a construction joke? I'm still working on it. August 4, 2026 How does Darth Vader manage to eat through that mask? He's force fed. August 3, 2026 It turns out my high school Chemistry teacher was right.... Alcohol IS a solution. August 2, 2026 Why is it best to teach physics on the edge of a cliff? (Original joke). Because that's wh... August 1, 2026 I accidentally sent my friend flowers over the internet. Whoops, E-Daisies July 31, 2026 You can't run through a camp site. You can only ran, because its past tents. July 30, 2026 They say don’t go grocery shopping while you’re hungry. But it’s been a week and I just ke... July 29, 2026 What kind of cigarettes do hippies smoke? Yours. July 28, 2026 What do you call an alligator in a vest? An investigator. July 27, 2026 I asked my wife to dress up as a nurse tonight... to fulfill my fantasy that we have healt... July 26, 2026 What’s the difference between swine flu and bird flu? Swine Flu requires oinkment and Bird... July 25, 2026 I was raised as an only child which really annoyed my sister July 24, 2026 How do farmers party? They turnip the beets. July 23, 2026 How do you make a water bed more bouncy? You use spring water. July 22, 2026 Astronaut 1: "I can't find any milk for my coffee". Astronaut 2: "In space no-one can. Her... July 21, 2026 My girl keeps having disturbed dreams, shouting things like "Hobbit!", "Gandalf!", and "Mo... July 20, 2026 I only drink on days beginning with "T". Tuesday, Thursday, today and tomorrow July 19, 2026 Why did Thor lose his lightning powers? Because his father grounded him. July 18, 2026 What do you call friends that you go out to eat with? Taste buds. July 17, 2026 My friend claims he can build a gun using his new 3D printer, but I’m not impressed. I’ve... July 16, 2026 Officer: “I’m arresting you for downloading all of Wikipedia” Man: “No wait! I can explain...