260 Best Man Speech Jokes That Actually Land

A great best man speech leans on one or two real stories about the groom, backed by a handful of lines that get an easy laugh no matter who's in the room. Below are 260 best man speech jokes worth stealing — pulled together and mixed from dozens of real wedding-speech sources rather than copied from any single list. Want an endless, re-rollable supply instead of scrolling? Our Wedding Speech Jokes Generator draws fresh best man lines on tap.

How to use these jokes

Don't read the whole list off a card at the microphone — pick two or three lines that fit the couple, and build your speech around your OWN stories with these as connective tissue: an opener to settle the room, a mid-speech line when the story needs a beat, and a closer before the toast. The best man speech that lands isn't the one with the most jokes, it's the one where the jokes support real affection for the groom.

260 Best Man Speech Jokes

1. Kiss the bride, then kiss the pun.
2. Please can everyone toast to the two young, well, quite young, people in love? To the happy couple!
3. The couple were both pianists, so they had a very well-orchestrated marriage.
4. The first-date – Who knew a ‘small’ glass of Rioja could ruin a whole shirt?
5. "A man is incomplete until he's married. After that, he's finished." — Zsa Zsa Gabor
6. Leading up to today John and Jane were having an issue with the seating plan. Who would sit comfortably in here & who would have to get up and stand during the speeches so we decided to use wedding present list, biggest presents at front and work it back from there.
7. Never in a million years did I think that Linda would actually go through with this and marry Paul, and I have to admit I'm utterly speechless. Seriously, I didn't write one.
8. 11 years ago The first one is pretty cute, the second one though is hilarious! My mom is getting married in Sept. and I think I’ll be incorporating that joke into my speech. Thanks for the share!
9. Cheers to many hoppy beers—we mean—happy years!
10. How to Start Doing Standup
11. What to expect from being a best man
12. Duration 1 year 1 month 4 days
13. I have no doubt of Paul’s qualities as a husband, but as a son-in-law we’ll have to see. Will he pop round to see us every Sunday, or will I continue to have to mow the lawn and wash the car myself? Add to clipboard » Peek inside our content library for fresh alternatives
14. Today we witnessed a unique event in history – it’s the first and presumably last time anyone has trusted me to give a speech!
15. Love is like toothache – it doesn't show up on an X-ray, but you know it's definitely there...
16. Acceptable use policy
17. I accidentally handed my husband a glue stick instead of a chapstick. He still isn't talking to me.
18. You’re the loaf of my life and my butter half — we’re really on a roll together!
19. I’ve gained a son/daughter today, and my bank account has gained a permanent vacation.
20. Here comes the bride… and the wine.
21. Marriage is like a deck of cards—at first, all you need are two hearts and a diamond. After a while, you just wish you had a club and a spade.
22. Why did the two cannonballs have a shotgun wedding? They were already expecting BBs.
23. What do you secretly love (or loathe) about each other? For example: “She’s so obsessed with cleaning, she once dusted the air fryer… while it was on.” Or… “He eats burgers with a knife and fork. This is the man I chose to marry.” The more specific, the better.
24. "The best thing you can do is find a person who loves you for exactly who you are. Good mood, bad mood, ugly, pretty, handsome, what have you. The right person is still going to think the sun shines out of your ass. That’s the kind of person that’s worth sticking with." — Mac MacGuff in Juno
25. At my twin brother’s wedding I opened with: "When I first met the Groom I didn’t really like him. He was always crowding my space and stealing my nutrients, but after we busted out of that uteran prison we were perpetual partners in crime…
26. Paul, you have really scored in marrying Linda. You've found someone who is attractive, funny, smart, loving and caring. And Linda, you have found … well, you have found Paul. But seriously, I think you've made a wonderful choice for your first husband.
27. The best part of the wedding is definitely the reception—it really takes the cake.
28. Writing Funny - How to Write Jokes
29. Articles WRITE MY SPEECH NOW!
30. I really hope you two have a great time in North Wales on your honeymoon….
31. Apparently, woman sub-consciously choose a husband with a character furthest from that of their fathers – and only moments earlier I heard my wife describing her new son in-law as generous, sincere and good humoured. Add to clipboard » Peek inside our content library for fresh alternatives
32. Luckily we didn’t have a Runaway Bride situation. It was more like Runaway Bridal Expenses!
33. I have one final piece of advice for you two lovebirds: never stop laughing, even when the jokes are lame.
34. "I'm married to a very unusual person, but maybe it took a very unusual person to be willing to marry me." —Fiona Shaw
35. For butter or worse, let’s toast to the newlyweds!
36. Know your lane: Best Men can roast; distant cousins should stick to being sweet and self-deprecating.
37. Groom losing the ring: classic pun potential.
38. I’ve heard they’ve been running a bet on how long my speech will last. I’ve put £50 on half an hour, so strap in and get comfortable.
39. We’re knot kidding—we’re getting married!
40. I mentioned her competitive streak – she even wanted to out-toast me. Cheers to that.
41. Saying 'I do' at your wedding is like clicking the 'I accept' box any time a new piece of software on your computer or phone asks you to read its terms and conditions: You do it despite having no idea what will come next. Congratulations on your marriage!
42. Well, I do hope that Howard and Mary enjoy their honeymoon in Wales. I assume that’s where they’re going anyway… When I asked Howard what he was doing after the wedding he said he was going to Bangor for a fortnight…
43. Father of the Bride Speech
44. They are the perfect pierogi.
45. Writing a Stand Up Routine
46. Gifts for the Best Man
47. And of course the Grooms introduction to the Best Man. Now I’d like to introduce Dave but before I do I want you to know that he is prone to wild exaggeration and has fantasist ideas and stories which he believes are real
48. Weddings are a marvellous excuse for a big party, and today is no exception. We have a lot of people here today – grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, friends… and a handful of people I recognize. Add to clipboard » Peek inside our content library for fresh alternatives
49. When she told us her fiancée was an author, we knew she had found Mrs Write.
50. May you both live as long as you want, and never want as long as you live.
51. My husband said he wanted to spice things up. I told him to try the hot sauce!
52. Thistle be the best day ever.
53. I’m the Maid of Honor, which basically means I’m the bride’s unpaid therapist, personal stylist, and bodyguard for the day.
54. Groom’s best man? More like pun master.
55. Well, I don’t want to take up too much of your drinking time, so I’ll keep this short.
56. I talk about my wedding cake a lot. Icing about it too.
57. "A happy marriage is the union of two good forgivers." — Ruth Bell Graham
58. Let’s raise our glasses to the two secrets of a long-lasting marriage: a good sense of humor and a short memory.
59. Just listen up while I tell you about this couple, and I’ll make it seem like the shortest 45 minutes of your life.
60. Now I know I wasn't Paul's first choice as best man, or second or third, but the only suit left at the hire shop was extra large. I proudly stand before you.
61. Aisle say "I do" over and over again.
62. May I say in conclusion that Carol and I are happy to welcome into our fold two nice people not yet mentioned, but without whom Paul wouldn’t be here. No, I don’t mean the best man and the taxi driver, but Paul’s parents, already our valued friends. Add to clipboard » Peek inside our content library for fresh alternatives
63. The couple hired a vegetarian DJ so he could turnip the beets.
64. For one more time, I’m going to ask everyone to charge their glasses and – for those who still can – stand, and raise a glass to the newlyweds.
65. Marriage is when a man and woman become one. The trouble starts when they try to decide which one.
66. I love you a latte — words can’t espresso how much you mean to me.
67. I prepared a really funny speech for today, but the open bar opened 15 minutes before I started writing this.
68. Bridesmaids in matching dresses: “dress code” humor.
69. A great marriage is where both secretly suspect they were dealt the better hand, which is unfortunate for these two!
70. Why was the marshmallow wedding so perfect? Because the couple was toasted just right.
71. As I stand here, legally bound and emotionally outkicked, I want to say thanks.
72. "A good marriage is like a casserole: only those responsible for it really know what goes into it." — Unknown
73. I didn’t really know where to start so I thought I’d trawl the internet. After a couple of hours I‘d found some really, really good stuff. But then I remembered that I was supposed to be writing a speech.
74. We came, we saw, we cake-quered.
75. Good afternoon Ladies and Gentlemen. I had prepared a superb speech for you today, but unfortunately, now that I am married … I’ve been told to read this one instead. Add to clipboard » Peek inside our content library for fresh alternatives
76. The details about the bouquet toss are still up in the air.
77. The secret to a happy marriage remains a secret.
78. Marriage is just planning for dinner while eating breakfast.
79. Life is batter together.
80. I’d like to thank the bridesmaids for looking wonderful, and the groomsmen for… showing up.
81. Cheers to the newly pun-named couple.
82. Today we’ve seen two people exchange vows, rings, and a very awkward kiss in front of everyone they know.
83. What did the groom say when his wedding was burglarized? “I’ve been robbed before, but this one took the cake.
84. Marriage is built on love, trust, and knowing the exact tone your partner uses when they’re ‘not angry.’
85. "Love is sharing your popcorn." — Charles Schultz
86. Being asked to be someone’s best man is like being called up for jury duty. You don’t really want to do it but know you have to. You’re made to dress snappy and pretend to be an upstanding member of the community. The only difference is I didn’t have a say in the life sentence passed earlier today.
87. They're the loaf of your life and your butter half. Man—I'm really on a roll here!
88. Today is rightly the happiest day of my life, and it will continue to be a date that I will cherish and celebrate as each year passes. And to ensure that I always remember this date as my special anniversary… just once, I shall forget it. Add to clipboard » Peek inside our content library for fresh alternatives
89. For those of you who don’t know me, my name is (Name). My full name is actually ‘(Name) would-you-like-a-drink.’ For those of you who I chat with at the bar later, I’d appreciate it if you could use my full name.
90. To the happy couple. May you share everything in life, especially the housework.
91. "A marriage is always made up of two people who are prepared to swear that only the other one snores." —Terry Pratchett
92. We’re mint to be together.
93. May you always have love in your hearts and a blanket nearby, because the battle for the thermostat starts tonight.
94. Bride vibes, groom energy, pun power.
95. Now, I promised the groom I’d keep this speech respectful and dignified… but that was before he handed me the bar tab.
96. If you enjoy searching for someone else’s lost stuff, try marriage!
97. Remember how I said I was lucky? Now I’m just grateful she showed up today.
98. Funny Quotes for Your Wedding Toast
99. During the service today I couldn’t help thinking its funny how history repeats itself, I mean it was 30 years ago David and Pam were sending their daughter to bed with a dummy………and it’s happening all over again today.
100. In case anyone was wondering, I am changing my last name! It has a nice ring to it.
101. I feel very fortunate to have married Linda. None of you will know this, but I've actually been congratulated already. 'Paul,' my father said to me, 'Well done! You will always look back on today as the happiest and best thing you've ever done.' Fitting words, I thought, as I set off for my stag night. Add to clipboard » Peek inside our content library for fresh alternatives
102. Marriage is full of surprises but it’s mostly just asking each other, “Do you have to do that right now?
103. I recognise my place here; a best man is similar to a dead body at a funeral. Of course, you’re expected to be there but if you say too much then people start freaking out
104. My wife told me to stop impersonating a flamingo. I had to put my foot down!
105. Watch our love grow — we’re rooting for each other.
106. A good marriage is where one person is always right, and the other person is the husband.
107. Bride tripping? That’s “knot” funny—but it is!
108. Before we get started, I’d like to thank the bar staff for their quick service today. Thanks to them, I have the confidence to stand up here.
109. Arts & EntertainmentMore Items
110. Earlier I said she was a neat freak. Which is why this speech is laminated.
111. The couple has amazing taste, don't you think? I mean, we can all agree that they did choose the absolute best speaker tonight!
112. For those of you on the Bride’s side who are just getting to know him; here is some advice. Never let him date a member of your family.
113. Here come the wedding belles.
114. I have been told that this is usually one of the only times in a married man’s life when he can be in the company of his wife and mother in-law and not be interrupted … I may be here sometime. Add to clipboard » Peek inside our content library for fresh alternatives
115. I hear vampire weddings really suck.
116. Marriage is not just an emotional connection, it's also about remembering to take the bins out.
117. They say opposites attract—he’s the calm to my caffeine-fueled storm.
118. I solemnly swear to be up to no good — with you.” – Harry Potter
119. I love this couple so much, I’m already planning my wedding to look exactly like this… just with a different groom.
120. I spy… a funny bride!
121. As the best man, my main role is to be the responsible one today—so naturally, I’m the least qualified person here.
122. What’s the advantage of marrying a tennis player? Love means everything to them.
123. "People are weird. When we find someone with compatible weirdness, we team up and call it love." — Dr. Seuss
124. "A successful marriage requires falling in love many times—always with the same person." — Mignon McLaughlin
125. On Richards first date with Ally he thought he’d make an impression, and promised her a seven course meal. She was a tad disappointed when it turned out to be a burger and a six pack!
126. Why did the couple hire a housekeeper to plan their honeymoon? They wanted a clean getaway.
127. Today I am the proudest man in the whole world. Seeing your daughter looking so happy and radiant is a truly amazing experience, but it is tinged with a little sadness. For those who know me well, being generous does not come natural to me. It phased me a little in the ceremony when I had to give her away. Add to clipboard » Peek inside our content library for fresh alternatives
128. What can I say about a person who is kind to everyone they meet? A person who is smart, gifted, stunning, successful and so much more? A top human in every situation? Well, enough about me, let’s move onto the newlyweds.
129. Henry Kissinger once said, ‘nobody will ever win the battle of the sexes. There’s too much fraternising with the enemy!’
130. They say love is patient and kind, but sometimes love is just sharing the last piece of steak without an argument.
131. Let’s taco ‘bout love.
132. I asked ChatGPT to write a heartwarming speech about the couple, but it just kept saying ‘Error: Love this perfect does not compute.'
133. Best man knows best… and wittiest.
134. I’m actually surprised they handed me the mic. Usually, people just try to keep it out of my reach for everyone’s safety.
135. What did the groom say when he spent $500 to rent a limousine, then realized he had to hire the driver separately? “I spent all that money, and I have nothing to chauffeur it.
136. How you got together – Did you lie on your Tinder profile and suggest you could play a decent game of tennis?
137. Get laughs at the wedding using short, funny toasts like jokes about married life or memorable stories.
138. You know, it’s been said that being asked to be best man is like being asked to make love to Camilla Parker Bowles.. It’s a great honour but you don’t really want to do it!
139. Do you all know any good jokes about getting married? I'm a frayed knot.
140. Before I begin, please can we ensure that all the aisles and fire exits are kept clear throughout the reception. There’s a medical team waiting outside the building and I’d like them to have a clear run when my father in-law is presented with the final bill. Add to clipboard » Peek inside our content library for fresh alternatives
141. I had cold feet, but my partner reassured me they were just “icing” on the wedding cake.
142. Anecdote-style best man jokes
143. Our marriage runs on love, caffeine, and the understanding that there’s no such thing as "too much butter.
144. I don’t mean to sound cheesy, but I think you’re really grate.
145. The bride, thank you for finally making the groom someone we can take out in public.
146. Toast to the bride… and the punchlines.
147. When I think of all the people I look up to and respect… you’d be right up there. Serving their drinks.
148. What kind of music do bunnies dance to at their weddings? Hip-hop.
149. 5 Tips for a Funny Wedding Toast
150. I’d now like to focus on Paul for a moment. Enjoy it, mate. After today, this is the last time you'll ever be the center of attention.
151. This wedding was out of this world! They really know how to planet.
152. First of all, I’d like to explain to some of the younger guests that just because the bride left the church with a different man to the one she arrived with, it doesn’t mean she changed her mind. Add to clipboard » Peek inside our content library for fresh alternatives
153. Two pianists had a good marriage. They always were in a chord.
154. Marry an archaeologist – the older you get, the more interested they become in you.
155. Our house runs on teamwork—I cook, he eats, and the kids occasionally wash the dishes.
156. Donut forget to take a party favor.
157. I signed an NDA before this speech, so I can only tell you the G-rated stories.
158. Raise a glass, and raise a laugh.
159. I’ve been asked to keep this speech filth-free, so if I come across any innuendo, I’ll whip it out.
160. Why did the bride put on an extra pair of socks? Because she didn’t want to get cold feet.
161. Our happy couple really struggled to find someone to give a speech today. They asked their most attractive friend first, and they said no. Then they asked their smartest friend, who also said no. After that, they went to their funniest friend, and the answer was still no. So then they asked me, and I couldn't turn them down for a fourth time!
162. For those of you who don’t know me, I’m Matt. I have been Tim’s mate for 2 days now, he found my advert on a website as he hasn’t got many friends so had to hire someone for the day.
163. These two are a perfect pair, true sole-mates.
164. When it comes to talking about my bride's good points, where do I start? She’s intelligent, generous, hard working, popular and a brilliant judge of character. Add to clipboard » Peek inside our content library for fresh alternatives
165. The groom couldn’t stop making wedding puns during the ceremony. He said he was just “altar-ing” the mood.
166. Now for some advice from me. The secret to my happy marriage is dinner twice a week. My partner goes on Tuesdays and I go on Thursdays.
167. Whenever my wife packs me a salad for lunch, all I wanna know is what I did wrong.
168. The wedding made everyone so emotional, even the cake was in tiers!
169. We’ve been through everything together: braces, bad haircuts, and that phase where we thought blue eyeshadow was a good idea.
170. Laugh, toast, repeat.
171. I’ve been told if I do a good job today, I can be the best man at the next wedding!” Why? It’s offensive and assumes the marriage will fail. It’s not what the couple want to hear on their special day.
172. What did the mathematician say at her wedding? “The odds of this working are better as a pair.
173. May your household multiply, and may your hearts never be divided.
174. Before I start ladies and gentlemen, let us observe a few moments silence in memory of the 3,000 prawns, 200 chickens, countless carnations, delphiniums, lilies and roses who selflessly gave their lives to make this wedding celebration possible.
175. This tea-riffic couple is steeped in love!
176. Good evening Ladies and Gentlemen - A wedding speech is one of those rare occasions when you get the opportunity to publicly say how you feel about the people you really care about. So I’m going to devote the next couple of minutes paying tribute to some very special people indeed. Starting with the bar staff … Add to clipboard » Peek inside our content library for fresh alternatives
177. Why did the bee get married? Because he found his honey.
178. Funny One-Liners for the Groom's Speech
179. I asked my wife to embrace her mistakes. She gave me a hug.
180. You have a pizza my heart!
181. Write a funny, polished toast with the AI Wedding Speech Generator
182. Selfie with the bride, pun included.
183. I’m not saying the groom was nervous about today, but he did Google ‘Can you get a refund on a wedding?’ last night.
184. What’s it called when you get the weird feeling you heard the same song earlier in the reception? DJ-vu.
185. Let me leave you with one piece of advice. Never laugh at your spouse’s choices. Remember: They also chose you. Cheers!
186. For those of you who don’t know me, my name is Jason, and I am the best man. Let me just say that the groom has a splendid set of friends and to be chosen from such esteemed company was something of a surprise. And since that moment I have struggled almost daily with an uneasy sensation, which I can compare only to the first disagreeable feelings which usually precede a fit of sea-sickness.
187. Getting married in July is pretty bold, but what else can you expect from these two sweat-hearts?
188. The couple has informed me that the buffet this evening is charged on a cost-per-head basis. So, on their behalf, I’d like to thank the following people for not coming…
189. Marriage is like a walk in the park… Jurassic Park
190. Marriages are made in heaven. Then again, so are thunder, lightning, tornadoes and hail.
191. You’re so sweet that I cannoli be happy when I’m with you.
192. I’ve known the groom for 10 years, and he’s never made a good decision until today.
193. Best man speech goes off-script—pun explosion.
194. Thank you for all being here to celebrate two incredible people. May your love grow stronger, and your patience with each other infinite.
195. The happiest moment of my wedding was realizing that planning my wedding was over.
196. "Marriage is not just spiritual communion. It is also remembering to take out the trash." — Dr. Joyce Brothers
197. Good afternoon ladies and gentleman. If there is anybody here who is feeling worried, nervous or apprehensive, you're either me (because I am) or you just married Mark Owen.
198. Taco 'bout a good party!
199. What did Cinderella say when her wedding photos didn’t show up? Someday my prints will come!
200. Safe best man jokes for every kind of crowd
201. Marriage is like a roller coaster. It has its ups and downs, but it’s always fun to scream.
202. We’re a matcha made in heaven.
203. Marriage is just texting each other ‘Do we need milk?’ until one of you dies.
204. Don’t be afraid to “toast” to these jokes.
205. Marriage is finding that one person you can annoy for eternity and still be their favourite.
206. I got a wedding invitation that said “black tie only,” but when I got there, everyone else had on tuxedos.
207. What do late nights, wild parties, and hanging out with friends on the weekend have in common? You won’t be able to do any of those things from now on. But congratulations on your wedding!
208. There was one time when Mike was asked, ‘What is Emma’s favourite flower?’ To which he had no hesitation in replying, ‘Self Raising!’ ‘What makes a good wife?’ ‘One who helps her husband with the washing up!’ And, ‘What’s the last thing you’ll say to you wife before going to sleep?’ ‘It doesn’t matter what I say, you’ll buy it anyway’
209. We're here to altar (partner's names)'s life forever.
210. Now, I did ask for a microphone but was told one wasn’t available. So if you can’t hear me at the back, the silence from the people at the front should reassure you that you’re not missing out on anything.
211. Now, before I start, the venue manager has asked me to request that, for health and safety reasons, none of you get up on top of the chairs and tables during my standing ovation
212. I asked my wife what she wanted for Christmas. She told me, "Nothing would make her happier than a diamond necklace." So, I bought her nothing.
213. Wedding Puns That Stick: 40+ Funny Ideas for Favors, Speeches & More
214. The couple asked me to keep this speech like the groom’s outfit: stylish, classic, and preferably short.
215. Cheers to pun-derful memories.
216. How do astronomers get married? They planet.
217. "Marriage is the only war in which you sleep with the enemy." — Unknown
218. I’d also like to congratulate Keith on a truly magnificent speech, I always knew it would be hard to follow, and I was right, I could hardly follow a word of it.
219. Tips for Using Wedding Puns in Toasts and Speeches
220. What was the best part of the wedding? The reception; it really took the cake.
221. May neither of you ever lie, cheat or drink. But if you must lie, lie with each other. If you must cheat, cheat death, and if you must drink, drink with us. Cheers to the newlyweds!
222. Getting married is a lot like getting into a tub of hot water. After a while, you get used to the temperature.
223. I choo-choo-choose you.” – The Simpsons
224. If I start crying today, it’s not because I’m emotional. It’s because I saw the receipt for the cake.
225. Here comes the pun-bride!
226. What is the best place to research wedding DJs? Wiki-wiki-wikipedia.
227. "Love is a lot like dancing; you just surrender to the music." — Pierce Brosnan
228. I’m pleased to announce that the bride and the groom are expecting… …you all to have a good time tonight!
229. Joined together in holy macaroni.
230. Now that they are married, they are both footloose and fiancé free.
231. Be self-aware. Poke fun at yourself first before teasing others.
232. What do you instantly know about a well-dressed man? His wife is good at picking out clothes.
233. To me, you are perfect.” – Love Actually
234. The groom clearly married up. I mean, look at her, and then look at… this situation over here.
235. Toasting with sparkling cider, pun included.
236. D id you hear about the two cellphones that got married? The reception was excellent.
237. "If you’re wrong and you shut up, you’re wise. If you’re right and you shut up, you’re married." — Unknown
238. Of course, the Groom has always been incredibly image conscious, but this morning was particularly bad – he spent three hours in the bathroom! To get an idea of what that’s like, why not agree to make a wedding speech?
239. They're getting bloody married.
240. Did you hear about the two spiders who just got engaged? I hear they met on the web.
241. Getting married is easy! Sundays in Ikea are when it starts getting really tough.
242. My wife says I never listen... or something like that.
243. S’more love for everyone.
244. There are two rules for a happy marriage. Rule 1: The wife is always right. Rule 2: When she is wrong, refer to Rule 1.
245. Bridezilla? More like punzilla.
246. What do you call a wedding with a missing groom? A wife-threatening situation.
247. As Bill and Ted once said: 'Be excellent to each other, and party on, dudes.'
248. Rest assured though, unlike most traditional best man speeches, which are full of sexual innuendo, I’ve promised Dan and Anne that if there is anything slightly risqué, I’ll whip it out immediately …
249. I vow to keep this speech short.
250. When your spouse gets a little upset, just remember a simple “calm down” in a soothing voice is all it takes to get them a lot more upset.
251. As Charles Schulz once said, ‘all you need is love… but a little chocolate now and then doesn’t hurt’.
252. My husband and I have been married for over 25 years, and he still drives me crazy. Lucky for him, I’m an excellent navigator.
253. Lettuce celebrate the happy couple!
254. I’ve been told to avoid controversial topics, so I won’t mention the bachelor party, the ex-girlfriends, or the time we went to Tijuana.
255. Cheers to tying the knot with humor.
256. I’d like to propose a toast … but I forgot to bring bread.
257. We are gathered here today to honor something so truly magical, so truly unique and wonderful, that it simply had to be celebrated. I am, of course, talking about the doughnut wall.
258. For those of you without the internet I'll update you on (Bride’s) Facebook account, which she's secretly using under the table as I speak. (checks phone) Her status has been changed to 'married', both of her parents immediately 'disliked' this, and 32 guys in this room have already poked her.
259. I'm done arguing over whether this is a cravat or a bow. Let's just call it a tie.
260. We’re keeping the wedding casual, so consider it a lack tie affair.

What makes a best man joke actually work?

The best lines share three things: they're short enough to land in one breath, they're about the groom, not at his expense (the affectionate ribbing works, cruelty doesn't), and they set up a real story rather than standing alone. A joke that gets the room laughing and then hands straight into "and that's actually exactly like the time he…" is doing its job — a joke that just sits there for its own sake isn't.

How long should a best man speech be?

Most land between three and five minutes — long enough for two or three real stories and a handful of the lines above, short enough that nobody's checking their watch. Write it, read it out loud once with a timer, then cut anything that doesn't move the room. If you want a bigger bank of one-liners to open or punctuate with, the Wedding Speech One-Liners & Puns list has 200+ more, and the Wedding Speech Jokes Generator rolls fresh ones for every role in the wedding party.