The best science jokes work on two levels: you get the pun straight away, and about a second later you get the science. That delay is the whole appeal, and it is why a good science joke lands harder in a lab or a classroom than almost anywhere else.
Below are 60, sorted by subject so you can find the biology jokes, chemistry jokes or physics jokes you actually came for. All are clean, most are short, and none of them need a diagram.
What Makes a Science Joke Work
Almost every science joke is a pun sitting on top of a real fact. "Never trust an atom, they make up everything" is funny because atoms genuinely do make up everything — the joke is not decoration on the science, it is the science, said sideways.
That is also why bad science jokes fail in a specific way. If the fact underneath is wrong, the joke collapses for exactly the audience most likely to hear it. Science puns are one of the few joke formats where being accurate makes them funnier.
Best Science Jokes
The ones that work on anybody, subject knowledge optional.
- Never trust an atom. They make up everything.
- I'd tell you a chemistry joke, but I know I wouldn't get a reaction.
- A neutron walks into a bar and asks what a drink costs. The barman says: "For you, no charge."
- A photon checks into a hotel. The porter asks if it has any luggage. "No thanks — I'm traveling light."
- Schrödinger's cat walks into a bar. And doesn't.
- I was reading a book about anti-gravity. It was impossible to put down.
- Anyone know any good jokes about sodium? Na.
- Two scientists walk into a bar. The first orders H2O. The second says "I'll have H2O too" and gets a glass of water, because that is what that means.
- Why is the periodic table so good at parties? It has all the elements of a good time.
- Entropy isn't what it used to be.
- What do you call a scientist who studies fizzy drinks? A fizzicist.
- My science teacher told me I had no potential. I told her she had no energy.
- Why did the physicist break up with the biologist? There was no chemistry.
- The optimist sees the glass half full. The pessimist sees it half empty. The engineer sees a glass twice as big as it needs to be.
- What did the thermometer say to the graduated cylinder? "You may have graduated, but I've got many degrees."
Biology Jokes
Cells, genes and things under a microscope. The biology jokes people actually repeat.
- Why did the germ cross the microscope? To get to the other slide.
- Two blood cells met and fell in love. Sadly, it was all in vein.
- Mitochondria: the powerhouse of the cell, and the only fact anyone remembers from school.
- What did one DNA strand say to the other? "Do these genes make me look fat?"
- Why do biologists look forward to casual Friday? They get to wear genes to work.
- Why did the bacteria fail its exam? It didn't have enough culture.
- What did the cell say when his sister stepped on his foot? "Mitosis."
- Why are frogs so cheerful? They eat whatever bugs them.
- Why did the mushroom get invited to every party? Because he was a fungi.
- What is the fastest way to work out a chromosome's sex? Pull down its genes.
- A biologist, a chemist and a physicist all agree on one thing: the biologist has the messiest lab.
- Why don't plants like math? It gives them square roots.
Chemistry Jokes
Chemistry has the highest pun density of any subject, and these are the chemistry jokes that survive being retold.
- What do you do with a sick chemist? If you can't helium or curium, you might as well barium.
- Why are chemists great at solving problems? Because they have all the solutions.
- Did you hear oxygen went on a date with potassium? It went OK.
- Electrons are the worst. They're so negative.
- Two protons are at a party. One says: "I'm positive we've met before."
- What do you call an acid with an attitude problem? A-mean-oh acid.
- Silver walked up to gold in a bar and said "AU, get outta here."
- I keep telling chemistry jokes but I get no reaction. Periodically I try again.
- What's a chemist's favorite kind of tree? A chemis-tree.
- Why did the white bear dissolve in water? Because it was polar.
- Helium walks into a bar. The barman says "we don't serve noble gases here." Helium doesn't react.
- Argon walks into a bar. Nothing happens.
- What is a chemist's favorite thing about their job? The little solution to every problem.
Physics Jokes
Forces, light and the ones that make a physicist laugh a beat before everyone else.
- Gravity is my favorite force. It's what keeps me grounded.
- I have a new theory about inertia, but it doesn't seem to be gaining momentum.
- Why are physicists bad at relationships? Too much friction.
- What's a physicist's favorite meal? Fission chips.
- A photon and an electron walk into a bar. The photon says "I'll get these — I'm traveling light."
- Why can't you trust the speed of light? It's always fast.
- Two quantum physicists get into an argument. Both are right until somebody checks.
- I tried to think of a joke about absolute zero, but it left me cold.
- What did the nuclear physicist have for lunch? Fission chips and a split pea soup.
- Newton, Pascal and Kelvin are playing hide and seek. Newton draws a square on the ground and stands in it. Pascal says "that's not hiding". Newton says "one Newton per square meter — you've found Pascal."
Space and Astronomy Jokes
- How do you organize a party in space? You planet.
- What kind of plates do they use on Venus? Flying saucers.
- How does the Moon cut its hair? Eclipse it.
- Why is a moon rock tastier than an Earth rock? Because it's a little meteor.
- What did the astronaut say when he tripped on the Moon? "I Apollo-gize."
Science Jokes for Students and Teachers
The classroom-safe ones. Every joke on this page is clean, but these are the science jokes for students and teachers that work best out loud, in a room, with a whiteboard behind you.
- Why did the sun never go to university? Because it already had a million degrees.
- Teacher: "Name two things that contain milk." Student: "Two cows."
- My chemistry teacher said I'd amount to nothing. Turns out I'm a noble gas.
- Why do science teachers make terrible poets? Everything has to be tested first.
- A science joke is only funny once. After that it becomes a fact.
Science Jokes One Liners
If you only want science jokes one liners rather than a setup and a punchline, the shortest ones here are numbers 1, 6, 7, 10, 31, 39, 41 and 48. Argon walking into a bar and nothing happening is, correctly, the shortest joke in physics.
The same goes for the other labels people use. Science dad jokes, science puns, nerd jokes, funny science jokes, bad science jokes and cheesy science jokes are all the same list — the only thing that changes is how willing you are to admit you laughed. Whether you came looking for a funny science joke, a physics joke, funny chemistry jokes, science jokes for adults or science jokes for teachers, it is one pool. People also search science jokes biology and science jokes chemistry: those are the two subject sections above.
Where to Find More
For the same energy with numbers instead of elements, Math Jokes covers algebra, geometry and the advanced ones. For jokes with no subject at all, Corny Jokes and Funny Jokes are the general lists, and the Dad Joke Generator rolls a fresh one every tap.